still a learning experience. a lesson in forgiveness.

after going through a time of being completely humiliated and ashamed by my mistake with vicodin, I began to see what I could learn from the experience. But the guilt still remained.

I had already asked God for forgiveness, but was still strugling to forgive myself.

I began to research 'how to forgive myself' and this is what I found.

Accept whatever it is that you want to forgive yourself for, as something that cannot be changed. Ask yourself what belief value did you break during the experience, is this belief value really yours or do you agree it's one you must forgive yourself for breaking. Then, ask yourself why you went against this belief and identify triggers that put you in a position to go against what you believe. Decide how you will modify this behavior so it will not happen again. Commit to making this personal change because otherwise the appearance is, you do not hold to your own belief values. It's not unusual for us to modify our personal beliefs and values as we mature, and within reason, you can say nothing we do in our daily life is so much a mistake but a learning experience and where we learn about ourselves and our charterer makeup. Then after this honest self-evaluation, put the matter behind you, away but not forget, so as to not dwell on this situation any longer. You live and learn and move forward, but to keep a hold by dwelling on your mistakes will keep focus on mistakes, and we tend to head in the direction we are focused.

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What I did is in the past. It cannot be changed. When I took the pills, I broke my vow to God and myself to never do drugs. I gave up control of my body. I defiled God’s temple. I was not trusting in God, and tried to fix things on my own. I did this because I was discouraged. I lost hope. I was not following God. I was being selfish.
Triggers: bad situation.

Next time: I will pray. Throughout this current struggle, I have not been praying at all. I have only been trying to do things my own. I must remember proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.” I will modify this behavior by not allowing myself to be in a time without prayer. I must watch myself closely so that I will not rely on my own understanding.

I have learned that

Having a bad attitude is so easy. Many times it seems like more of a situation than a choice.

Sometimes it is a conscious decision, but other times it is a subconscious attitude that dictates the way we act.

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"everything happens for a reason and good things can come from bad decisions if you allow them to."
- it's all about attitude. If you look for the good, that's what you'll find.