so friggin pissed, hurt, and embarrassed

I was uninformed that today there would be people looking at our house. So I come home to there being strangers in my house who went into my room without my knowledge. I would have only been mildly offended by this had it not been for this being a busy crazy week in which I was very angry and left my clean clothes sprawled about. So not only were there strangers in my room without my knowledge, but they also saw my underwear!!!!!!!!! This is unmistakably the most embarrassing thing that has happened in my life!

I am sure that my mom has yet to noticed that I am not talking to her, so she should have told me that this would happen. Had I been warned, my clothes would have been put away and all personal or identifieable decorations would be put away. Now these strangers know my full name, have seen pictures of me, and have seen my underwear.

I feel like my mom keeps trying to find new ways to torture me. She totally yanks around my emotions. Like how we had a really big fight on sunday, she tottaly acted like nothing was different the next morning. She just expects me to be completely the same after she hurt me yet another time.

I just remembered that I had my journal left wide open in my bedroom. It's not like they would have read it, i don't think, but it's just the thought of it. My journal is so private I never want anyone to see the inside. I know that if it is so private, I should have had it put away. but I was writing in it late last night just before I fell asleep, then I woke up this morning and got ready to go to school. plus, i didn't think anyone would be in my room. Everyone is gone all day and doesn't return until I do. When I do leave home and i know that other's will be home I will hide it, but i forgot last night because i wanted to have it near in case I needed to right down anything further.

there is so much more I need to say, but the time is late and I have been delayed long enough. I must now get to my homework.

I feel so violated, I don't want to go in my own room anymore. my bedroom used to be one of my favorite places, it felt so comfortable, and so me. Now I shudder everytime I go in there. I am just so grossed out and disturbed.

I guess that this experience has changed my feelings about moving. I used to be upset about moving, because I liked my room so much and i just wanted to keep things the way they are. Now I am sickened and dread the times when I will have to be in my room.