Troubling Thoughts

When I feel anxious, I don't want to do anything. Life just seems like more than I can face. The idea of future trouble gets me discouraged. It's all I can think about. I feel to sick thinking about the future that I don't want to do anything now. This is something that needs to change. I waste so much time because of fear of the future. I need to do something to not let my future ruin my present. Worrying changes nothing. I am only taking away from what I could be experiencing now. I need contentment. I need to be okay with letting the future happen instead of worrying about it. Either the future will be good or it will be bad. It's not that I shouldn't do anything about it- but I need to have faith that God will do something good. I need to accept.

One thing I feel nervous about is visiting my family today and tomorrow. Last time I saw them it didn't go so well. I don't  know what I should to to make better choices next time. Even if things appear to end badly I must trust that God will make things work for good.

Another thing I feel anxious about is going to a New Years Eve Party tonight. I don't feel like I know how to act around people. I don't know what I will do at this party. I don't know what to say to people. I don't know how to have fun and look like I am having fun. The idea actually sounds boring- being with people and playing games.

Basically the idea of being miserable and not being able to do anything about it really bothers me.

Prayer:
God I pray that you will help me to see my situations as you see them. Help me to use every opportunity to worship you. Help me love people. Help me have a good attitude. Help me not dread any situation, but rejoice with you. Thank you for being by my side. I need you. 

Loved

On Tuesday night I texted my fiance that I was upset from a conflict I found myself in. He called me from work. Somehow he spoke with more love than I had ever heard in someone's voice before. Gentle, compassionate, powerful.

Thankful: Day 1

I am thankful to have an office to call my own.
I am thankful for the privacy and the storage.
I am thankful to be marrying a man I love.
I am thankful that he helps keep me out of trouble.
I am thankful for the support of my family.
I am thankful for the strength that I have in God.

Engaged!

I am engaged to be married!

We are planning to get married in June, either the first or second weekend of the month.

There is so much to do to get ready. It's pretty overwhelming. I'm sure I haven't even realized every aspect that needs planned.

One thing I just remembered is rings!

Wedding are expensive. I'm looking forward to getting married, but I wish I could be married now instead of planning a wedding. :)

Not Like My Parents

Sometimes I think of things that parents do and think to myself "I don't want to be like that when I'm a parent."

Here are some that I thought of recently.

First one is the "my seat" rule.
Growing up my step dad always claimed a piece of the furniture as "his" sometimes it was a recliner, other times it was a specific spot on the couch that he thought was most comfortable. If anyone sat in this seat he would say that's my spot you have to move. I never understood this. I thought it was selfish to not share. It's odd to me that because something is your favorite no one else can choose it. It's not as if I think a person must share everything that belongs to them. But what makes the living room furniture belong to any one person? It seemed like it should be the living-room's furniture for anyone in the living-room to use. I would think it was different if the furniture was a gift to a specific person. But generally person belongings should be kept in a person's room. I found it to be disrespectful as if my step-dad was saying "I'm more important than you, so what I want matters more than what you want."

Another thing that I don't want to teach my children is: speeding and lawlessness.
I habitually speed now, but it is a habit that I want to break. I don't want to teach my kids that it is okay to break the law. I want to lead by example and teach my kids to do what's right.

Something else that bothers me that parents do is use baby-talk to their kids.
At no age do I think it's okay to talk to children in made-up words that a baby would say. How are they supposed to learn what the truth is if we are constantly speaking to them without using the real words.

Truth is very important to me. I don't think that it's funny or good to trick kids and tell them lies.
Anything that you know is untrue should not be told to a kid.

Lies I've heard people tell kids:
If you swallow your gum it will take 7 years to digest.
If you swallow a watermelon seed it will grow a watermelon in your stomach
Babies come from storks.
Babies come from belly buttons
Chocolate milk comes from brown cows
Toothfairy
Santa Claus
Easter- Bunny

If a child asks me a question, I'm going to tell them the truth. Even if it's difficult to explain. Kids go to adults for information and trust us, we should not be making up stupid stuff. To me this is making a fool out of them for our own enjoyment.

One Year Dating Anniversary

I guess I could be excited, but I'm not. I'm so scared of what will happen next. The expectations, seriousness, and attachment is now one year strong. I've been saying for months that I don't know why my boyfriend and I are still together. I don't understand the point of our relationship. I don't think we will get married. Meanwhile there is just so much pain and confusion.

I am in pain because I don't feel like I'm important to my boyfriend. It seems like there is always something more important and he doesn't have time for me. Sometimes it is because his work/ school schedule requires him to be away, other times, it seems like he just doesn't make an effort. I constantly feel alone and rejected. I am confused by his lack of interest in me and want to not show that I am wanting him more than he wants me. I don't want to be too pushy.

My giant confusing contradiction of thoughts towards my boyfriend:

• I don't ever want to be without him.
   
• I don't want to be with him forever. 

More accurately I might state:

• I love him and I like that he is in my life.
• I miss him when we are not together. 
• I am afraid that I would miss him too much if he were not in my my life. 

• He doesn't have the characteristics I would want for a husband. 
• I don't like that we disagree on so many different things.
• I don't trust him to make choices that I will like. 
• I don't want to be his boss/ be controlling. 
• I want him to make choices that he is happy with.
• I don't want him to feel controlled be me.
• I want him to be who he wants to be. 

I think that life is important- he thinks it's funny to joke about death
I think drinking is a bad idea- he drinks
I think smoking is not good- he smokes
I don't like tattoos- he wants a tattoo

I want to marry someone who is respectful of leadership (including government)
I want to marry someone who will act like an adult
I want to marry someone who takes responsibilities seriously
- does what he says he will do
- does what needs to be done in a timely manner

I want to feel loved, wanted, and valued.
I want to not be alone.

A lot of the time, I feel alone. I don't feel loved, wanted, or valued.
But of course I am afraid of being more alone.

I don't feel like I have any other choice but to continue to be in this relationship. I've brought up in conversation that it doesn't seem like our relationship is going anywhere. I've tried to come to a mutual understanding on this, but nothing has changed. I don't see a way out. I don't know what I can change. Right now, I'm the one hurting, because my boyfriend isn't giving me what I want. If I were to break up with him, I would be more alone, and he would be rejected by me. I want things to be better.

"I Choose You"

I'm beginning Danny Silk's YouVersion devotional "Keep Your Love On."
There is a lesson followed by questions to think about.


Day 1:

Love means choosing to love another person even when they aren't choosing. Love is not dependent on what is received. Christ chose to love us even when we were not choosing Him. God's choice was not dependent on the choices of man.

Question:
Does someone need to "choose you" first for you to feel connected to him/her?

My response:
Yes. If someone does not choose me, I think that person does not value me and does not want a relationship with me. I do not feel connected with someone who is not pursuing connection with me. I do not want to pursue connection with someone who doesn't want me.

Question:
What motivation will you have to "choose" others when they may not return "liking for liking?"

My Response:
I can be motivated to choose to love others when I believe that they need my love. When I believe that my love could make a difference in their lives. When I feel like being a minister of Christ's love. When I remember that my job is to love.

I choose to pursue connection with people who may not like me in return if the person is valuable to me. Or if I will be having continuous interactions with that person and think that restoration would be most profitable for future interactions.

I'd rather avoid conflict and people who have problems with me, or who are difficult.

Verse: John 15:16 "You did not choose me, But I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you."

I was chosen to bear fruit. I was chosen to love. Love remains.

Prayer:
God I pray that you increase my love for all people. I pray that I will give to others even when it's not comfortable. Let me pursue you above all else, and from my love for you, let me love other. 

I am a Creation of God

I've been faced with a big fear lately. One of my biggest fears is inability. I'm afraid that I'm unable to do the right thing. I've been afraid that I'm too selfish too love. I'm afraid of doing hard things. I'm afraid of confrontation or other difficult conversations. Sometimes I feel like a special kind of loser. It seems like I keep messing things up and I can't get it right. God created me and says I am more than a conqueror. God doesn't create defects. I am not too messed up for God to use.

Prayer: God, Help me to remember that you are the source of my strength and the source of my success. Please help me stop being so introspective. Help me instead to always remember your power and your strength. Help me remember that you are bigger than my problems. 

Declaration: I can never mess up too big. I am not too much of anything to be used for God's purposes.

All Along- Remedy Drive

I've been confused and searching. I've felt empty and alone. I've tried to find love and approval. I've worked hard. But none of it matters without God in my life.

God is Worthy of Praise

God is worthy of praise, regardless of my circumstance.

Lately I found that even though I wanted to pray and worship God, I couldn't do so with a sincere heart. I couldn't praise God with my words and turn away from Him with my actions. Either I want to be closer to God or I want to live in lawlessness. I can't have both. I don't know what to do. I know what I should do. I should turn from sin and seek God with my whole heart- but that's only partially what I want to do. I want to have fun. Yeah, sin can be fun, but living with what I've done isn't fun. I want things to be easy. I don't want to say "no" to bad choices when it's easier to say yes.

I don't feel like I'm willing to go through the hard work to get God's best for my life. Maybe I'm just a failure. Maybe I just can't do greatness. Maybe I'm not an overcomer.

Maybe I should just give up because I am tired of my life.

Today

Today I feel discouraged. I don't feel like facing my life. I am tired of it. I feel kind of like I'm being a baby, because I wish my life was easier. I feel miserable. I don't like the things I have to do. I don't like that it takes so much effort. I wish I didn't have to live. Sometimes I ask God, "Why did you make me? Why would you bring me into this world to experience so much pain and trouble?" I think that I am being dramatic. I know that there are people with far worse lives than mine, but still... Maybe I'm just not strong enough. Maybe I just don't care enough. I don't want to keep fighting. When I ask God, "Why?" I feel a reminder that God created me for a purpose. God created me to change the world- but what if I don't want to. It's difficult for me to believe that I am able. I guess I want to give up because I feel like a failure. I feel like I can't do this. I feel like I'm not going to make a difference in anyone's life. I feel like nothing is worth it. I feel like living is not worth it.

The only reason why I don't just quit life and run away from it all is because that's not a real option.

Speaking on Peace

I'm preparing a speech on peace. Here it is:

Hello, My name is Amber ######,
I'm from (city, state.)
I am serving at (my church), where I am the director of the children's ministry.
I was asked to speak by Jimmie whom I have known for several years, and is a close friend to my mom and to me. 
I will be speaking on Finding Peace in God. I am going to be telling you what peace means to me. 

When asked to speak about this topic, I found it to be interesting. I thought to myself, I don't have peace... But in reality, that isn't the truth. I just have difficulty practicing peace, and walking out peace. One of the fruit of the Spirit is peace. Because I have the Holy Spirit living in me I know that I have peace. The Spirit gives me peace. I have the ability to be peaceful. I may not always live in peace, but I do know what it is. 

Peace comes from trusting in God.
Peace comes from truth.
The Bible says in John 8:32 that you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.
What does the truth free you from?
I believe that knowing the truth about God and about yourself will free you from fear, worry, doubt, free from bondage.
Freedom brings peace.

One example of truth that could free someone from bondage is the Baby Elephant Principle. 

To restrain a baby elephant, circus trainers must chain it to a huge stake driven into the ground. When the baby grows into an adult, however, it is many times smarter and stronger. What trainers must then drive into the ground is just a tiny tent peg.
The baby had tried everything to break free. It had strained with all its might, pulling in every conceivable way, hour after hour, day after day. The huge stake refused to budge. So, rather than mindlessly keep trying to do the impossible, it did what at the time was the intelligent thing: it gave up trying.
The baby grew into a powerful beast. Convinced by bitter experience that whenever it is tethered there is no point trying to resist, it never bothered to determine whether anything had changed. So it suffers indignities, even though, if only it could grasp the fact, it could easily rip up the peg and trample those who sought to dominate it.
As an adult, it finds itself bound not by a stake but by a powerful psychological force. This powerful force has been given several names, one of which is ‘Learned Helplessness.’

The grown elephant was in bondage to the lie that it can't escape. The truth that the elephant is stronger than the tent peg is truth that would make the elephant free.

If elephants are able to be bound by lies, I wonder what lies are we as people believing about ourselves that are keeping us in bondage. 

The thing about a lie is that you don't know it's a lie- otherwise you wouldn't believe it. I think the way to be sure to get lies out of our lives it to be filling ourselves with truth. Just like a glass the only way to get the air out is by filling it with something else. 

This years luncheon is Ocean themed. When many people think of the ocean, they think of peacefulness. They think of still waters, and of quiet.


So you might think that peacefulness is quiet. However when I think of my life, quiet isn't how I would think of it. Whether you're a student, you work, you have a family, or even if you're retired- I'm sure your days are full and not very quiet. This "peace and quiet" I've heard so many mothers long for, doesn't seem to happen. So let me reassure you that you don't need a quiet life to have peace. 

In contrast to this peaceful picture, I can't help but think of crashing waves, or of ships caught in a storm. I think of Jesus and His disciples being caught in a storm. They weren't in the ocean, but it was a large body of water. And the storms can be extreme and dangerous for those in a small fishing boat. 

Here's the story from Mark 4:37-41

And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling. 38 But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”

39 Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. 40 But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”[a] 41 And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!”

It's not that Jesus didn't care about or value the lives of His disciples. Jesus was calm because He knew the truth. Jesus questioned the faith of His disciples because of their inability to trust beyond what they could see. Faith believes the truth even when the truth is not visible. 

I think that the level of peace you are experiencing is determined by the amount of truth you are believing.

Do you believe the truth about God?
Do you believe the truth about who God says you are?

I want to challenge you that what you believe isn't just what you know, but what you act upon.

You may say that God is good, and God is in control, but do you pray as if He can and will answer any of your prayers?

Do you believe that you can do anything through Christ? Or are you faced with fears of failing when it comes to doing something new, uncomfortable, or just challenging?

Examine what you believe, checking to see if it lines up with truth.

Does it line up with the Bible?

Does it line up with God’s Character?

Don’t believe everything you think.

We know who God is from the Bible.

1.       Everything about God is good.

a.       1 John 1:5 “God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.”

b.      Mark 10:18 “No one is good except God alone”

2.       God is always good.

a.       Psalm 119:68 “You are good and what you do is good.”

b.      Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

3.       Everything God does is good.

a.       Genesis 1:31 “God saw all that He had made (the earth & man,) and it was very good.”

b.      Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.”

Recount some of the ways that God has been good to you. (Write down at least 10 instances.)

We know that God is good, not only because of the Bible, but because we have experienced God’s goodness in our lives. 

Peace comes from believing in a truth greater than the appearance of you circumstance. Just because it appears bad, doesn't mean that God isn't doing something. The truth is God is always doing something. He will never leave you.

Isaiah 55:8 states: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD

What God is doing doesn't have to make sense to me. I don’t have to understand. He’s the expert, not me.

Having peace means that I can trust God with my efforts, even my failed attempts. Because something doesn't have to be good to work for good. Even when it looks like I have failed, I can trust God to use it for good.

Sometimes, as children's church leader, I might think it looks like they aren't learning... But I get to trust that God can use me and what I offered even if I didn't say every word perfectly.

Having peace means that I can trust God with my future. Because "I may not know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future." 

God loves me even more than I do, He gave His son, He died for me. He will take care of me. 

Even when we don't know what God is doing, we know that He is good. 

Having peace can come through accepting that which you cannot change. You are in control of yourself. You are not in control of other people's actions or the outcomes of your efforts.

I realize that I don’t actually know what’s best. God has proven Himself faithful again and again. When I follow His way, it is always the best way. Sometimes I don’t understand what’s happening, or why I should do the things God has instructed me, but I just have to do my part and I can count on God to do His. God has asked me to difficult things that go against what my flesh wants, but the choice is mine whether I want to choose God, or myself. Choosing God has everything to do with trust. God is even more capable than I am. It feels good to be out of control if the one in control is better at controlling the situation. I myself would be terrified to pilot a plane on my own and would be much more comfortable as the passenger. I see it the same way with God. He knows what He is doing and I will sit back and let Him be in control

I have come to realize that having peace comes majorly through perspective, the way you look at things. If you are able to remove yourself from your position, ask God how he sees it. Look at your life through eyes of truth.

Seeking Peace

I want peace to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I am in control of myself. I cannot change others.

I worry about what is going to happen. God, I want to live in peace.

Maybe my life isn't the way I would like it. I chose this life. So, Do I want this life? Yes. I want to serve God with my life. I just want it to not be so difficult. Is there anything I can do to change that? Not really. I can’t change my situation. Am I going to live under my circumstance? No, I was made to soar, to conquer.

The appeared outcome doesn't matter. This isn't relying on me.

My heart is what matters most. Am I seeking after God? Am I serving for Him?

Sometimes it seems like I’m serving more out of responsibility and out of performance than out of passion.

God, I need you to ignite my passion. Help me to not forget why I am serving. Help me to not forget my purpose. I need you to be alive in me if my purpose is to bring an experience with you to others.

God, I trust you. I know that you are good. I trust you with my future. I trust you with my marriage. God, I know that you know that I want to be married someday. I want to love and be loved. I want to know and be known. I want connection. I want to not be alone. I want safety, security, permanence, and commitment. 

God, I ask you to prepare my future husband for me. When the time comes, bring him to me. Let it be clear who you have prepared for me. Let me love with selfless abandon.  Help me to make good choices. Help me to not be afraid. I feel afraid of losing the one I love. Help me to know that you are enough. Help me know when it is time to be married. I don’t want to rush anything. Help me to have peace in knowing my future is safe with you. I know that you will never take something good away from me. I trust that you understand me. I trust that you know what I need. You are able to do above and beyond all that I can ask or think. You are a good God who loves me. You love me more than I love myself. You know what is best for me. You say that I deserve the best. Help me to know how to love. I love my boyfriend and never want to hurt him. I am not giving up on my relationship with him. I am going to do my best and let you do the rest. I am going to love him and not worry about how much he appears to love me. I am not going to worry! I am not going to worry about how much he texts me, or how much I get to see him. I am okay if things don’t work out, because I know that God will not stop loving me. I am not going to be offended.

In my mind I think “Easier said than done.”

To which I reply: “with God, nothing is impossible.”

I’m really tempted to shut down, because I am so tired of arguing.

God, I ask you to help me know what to do instead of arguing. Help me to seek understanding. Help me to give love rather than seeking to receive. Help me to not be concerned about what I am receiving. Help me to look to you.

God, I want to be kissed, I want to be loved, I want to be wanted. I want attention.

Help me to feel your love and desire. Help me to realize your attention.  

Responding to the Past

If I could respond to email I sent myself five years ago, this is what I'd say:

Dear Amber,
You are stronger than you think. What you are going through now will help you in the future. You were born to overcome. The problems you are facing are indeed temporary. I know that this time is rough for you, but honestly I can't seem to remember why. Senior year can be scary, not knowing what to do next. Seek God. Trust that God only has good things in store for you. God is on your side, making all things work together for your good. He is making these hard times work together for your good. High school is barely a memory 5 years later. I know that it has been all you have known, your entire life. But there is a new life that is even bigger. Life will always be full of challenges. Challenges are not bad. If everything were to be easy, it would be boring. The challenges of life are what give you the opportunity to grow stronger. Don't give up when things get hard. You already have so much wisdom, but God wants to give you more. He isn't finished with you yet.

You will survive past this year. What other choice do you have? You must keep going, looking for what good God has ahead. Look for the good God has for you now. Enjoy every moment of your life. Live in the now. God has blessings for you every step of the way. Life isn't about reaching a certain point or being in a certain stage. Life is about living where you are and doing the best you can. Praise God in all circumstances. He is - always worthy. God is good- no matter what you are going through.

When I say your problems are only temporary, I mean that the things you worry about now, don't always have to worry you. God is working it out. God brings you through. However, the choices you make, affect your future. Be careful with your choices. Protect your future. Don't do anything you will regret. With faith, I say even the problems you create are only temporary. God can heal all things. But save yourself the pain.

Five years later I am still in pain from the choices I made when I was 18. I am brought to tears as I wish so desperately that I would have chosen differently. I am fighting for healing. This too shall pass. God will turn this pain into something beautiful.

When you feel alone, seek after God. Dive into His word. Declare His promises over your life. Believe that God is good. Humble yourself, be willing to admit to others that you need help. Fight for your health. Find someone who will help you. You are worth it. Be honest with your mistakes. You don't have to impress anyone. You aren't always right. Take responsibility for your actions, even if someone has hurt you. Your hurt is real, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to join in? Are you going to check out? Your life is worth living. God has great plans for you. You were born to change the world. Don't give up! Don't admit defeat. Remember "the enemy has been defeated" - he doesn't get to defeat you. Remember "you are more than a conqueror."

Instead of living in regret of your past, choose to make today better. Today you have been given a second chance. Today you have been given a new life. Live in forgiveness. Ask God to forgive you for falling short, and accept that forgiveness. When Jesus died on the cross, He took all of your sins. You are forgiven. What are you going to do now? Live in freedom from your past.

You are worried about losing your high school friends. Relationships change, and that's okay. You are never alone. You have the Holy Spirit who will always be your friend. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself that no one is a friend to you, choose to be a friend. Choose to love. Before the start of senior year you prayed "God, give me christian friends." He will do that. God wants you to have people to support you, people whom you can talk to about real things. God wants you to have intimacy. God doesn't take away good things. He exchanges what is good for what is better.

Don't be afraid of the unfamiliar. Just because it isn't the same, doesn't mean that it isn't good. Take risks and try new things.

While in high school you had authority telling you what to do and making decisions for you. This doesn't change. As a believer you have said that God is your Lord and Savior. Do you realize what this means? Lord means master. God is your boss. Yes, it may be harder to know what God is saying, than what a human is saying, but don't give up on hard things. Seek to know and understand what God wants you to do. God wants you to love. Seek after having a heart that looks like the heart of Jesus. Nothing else matters.

Situations may not get easier. But the closer you get to God, the more you trust Him, the less scary it will be. The more you know how powerful God is, the less you will be worried about figuring things out on your own.

Have a blessed day,
Me
___________________________________________________________

I still am afraid and I still feel like giving up. Sometimes I don't want to face my life. All of the advise I gave to 18 year old me can be applied to my fears now. It's interesting how easily the answers come to me when I remove myself from the situation. As I think of my current struggles, I am overtaken by my emotions and think more what I feel than of truth.

Prayer:
God help me to live in truth and live above my emotions. Help me to seek your ways in all that I do. Help me to not loose heart. 

Email From the Past

I just got an email that I sent to myself in 2009. Bored.com has a Cyber Time Machine that allows you to send emails to yourself in the future. Here is the link: http://www.bored.com/emailcapsules/

In 2009 I was a senior in high school. I was terrified of the future and thought that I would have things figured out by now.

Here is the email:

Dear Future Version of Me,

I wish you were here. you sure could help me see that my problems are only temporary and are not as bad as they seem. You would tell me that there really is life after highschool, and that it's not so bad. Here's what I'm thinking now.

"Senior year...

How any one survives past senior year is beyond me.

I Just got back from senior prom and now I am suddenly extremely sad. More sad than I have been about the end of high school. Most would be glad to be getting out of high school, and in some ways I am. I other ways I am completely terrified. I fell like my life is ending. I keep thinking of all of the things that I should of done better. But now it's too late. Time keeps passing bye too fast. Pretty soon I will be graduating and I will never see any of my friends again. This really is the end of my life. This life is ending. The life with the people I've seen everyday for the past few years. The life of living with my parents and family for the past 18 years. The Life of going to school five days a week with teachers and principals basically taking care of me. My whole life I've known exactly what to do. There was always someone making the rules and setting the schedule. Now I have to decide what to do after Highschool. What to do. After graduation I start a new life. I will
be in control and I will be responsible for making decisions. I will meet new people make new friends, and basically be cut of from the old ones. It's scary to think that soon all of what I know will be gone. I will live in a new place and be doing different things. I am so deathly afraid of change...

Tonight was such a great night I sometimes wish that when I fall asleep I will never wake up. I don't want to face tomorrow. I wish I could just cease to exist. wouldn't that be great. to bad.

I'm stuck in this never ending torturous insanity called life. "

I sure hope things are better in the future. To bad this email doesn't work both ways. Like in 'the lake house'

Have a Blessed Day.

Written at Sun May 03, 2009