Seeking Peace

I want peace to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I am in control of myself. I cannot change others.

I worry about what is going to happen. God, I want to live in peace.

Maybe my life isn't the way I would like it. I chose this life. So, Do I want this life? Yes. I want to serve God with my life. I just want it to not be so difficult. Is there anything I can do to change that? Not really. I can’t change my situation. Am I going to live under my circumstance? No, I was made to soar, to conquer.

The appeared outcome doesn't matter. This isn't relying on me.

My heart is what matters most. Am I seeking after God? Am I serving for Him?

Sometimes it seems like I’m serving more out of responsibility and out of performance than out of passion.

God, I need you to ignite my passion. Help me to not forget why I am serving. Help me to not forget my purpose. I need you to be alive in me if my purpose is to bring an experience with you to others.

God, I trust you. I know that you are good. I trust you with my future. I trust you with my marriage. God, I know that you know that I want to be married someday. I want to love and be loved. I want to know and be known. I want connection. I want to not be alone. I want safety, security, permanence, and commitment. 

God, I ask you to prepare my future husband for me. When the time comes, bring him to me. Let it be clear who you have prepared for me. Let me love with selfless abandon.  Help me to make good choices. Help me to not be afraid. I feel afraid of losing the one I love. Help me to know that you are enough. Help me know when it is time to be married. I don’t want to rush anything. Help me to have peace in knowing my future is safe with you. I know that you will never take something good away from me. I trust that you understand me. I trust that you know what I need. You are able to do above and beyond all that I can ask or think. You are a good God who loves me. You love me more than I love myself. You know what is best for me. You say that I deserve the best. Help me to know how to love. I love my boyfriend and never want to hurt him. I am not giving up on my relationship with him. I am going to do my best and let you do the rest. I am going to love him and not worry about how much he appears to love me. I am not going to worry! I am not going to worry about how much he texts me, or how much I get to see him. I am okay if things don’t work out, because I know that God will not stop loving me. I am not going to be offended.

In my mind I think “Easier said than done.”

To which I reply: “with God, nothing is impossible.”

I’m really tempted to shut down, because I am so tired of arguing.

God, I ask you to help me know what to do instead of arguing. Help me to seek understanding. Help me to give love rather than seeking to receive. Help me to not be concerned about what I am receiving. Help me to look to you.

God, I want to be kissed, I want to be loved, I want to be wanted. I want attention.

Help me to feel your love and desire. Help me to realize your attention.