Responding to the Past

If I could respond to email I sent myself five years ago, this is what I'd say:

Dear Amber,
You are stronger than you think. What you are going through now will help you in the future. You were born to overcome. The problems you are facing are indeed temporary. I know that this time is rough for you, but honestly I can't seem to remember why. Senior year can be scary, not knowing what to do next. Seek God. Trust that God only has good things in store for you. God is on your side, making all things work together for your good. He is making these hard times work together for your good. High school is barely a memory 5 years later. I know that it has been all you have known, your entire life. But there is a new life that is even bigger. Life will always be full of challenges. Challenges are not bad. If everything were to be easy, it would be boring. The challenges of life are what give you the opportunity to grow stronger. Don't give up when things get hard. You already have so much wisdom, but God wants to give you more. He isn't finished with you yet.

You will survive past this year. What other choice do you have? You must keep going, looking for what good God has ahead. Look for the good God has for you now. Enjoy every moment of your life. Live in the now. God has blessings for you every step of the way. Life isn't about reaching a certain point or being in a certain stage. Life is about living where you are and doing the best you can. Praise God in all circumstances. He is - always worthy. God is good- no matter what you are going through.

When I say your problems are only temporary, I mean that the things you worry about now, don't always have to worry you. God is working it out. God brings you through. However, the choices you make, affect your future. Be careful with your choices. Protect your future. Don't do anything you will regret. With faith, I say even the problems you create are only temporary. God can heal all things. But save yourself the pain.

Five years later I am still in pain from the choices I made when I was 18. I am brought to tears as I wish so desperately that I would have chosen differently. I am fighting for healing. This too shall pass. God will turn this pain into something beautiful.

When you feel alone, seek after God. Dive into His word. Declare His promises over your life. Believe that God is good. Humble yourself, be willing to admit to others that you need help. Fight for your health. Find someone who will help you. You are worth it. Be honest with your mistakes. You don't have to impress anyone. You aren't always right. Take responsibility for your actions, even if someone has hurt you. Your hurt is real, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to join in? Are you going to check out? Your life is worth living. God has great plans for you. You were born to change the world. Don't give up! Don't admit defeat. Remember "the enemy has been defeated" - he doesn't get to defeat you. Remember "you are more than a conqueror."

Instead of living in regret of your past, choose to make today better. Today you have been given a second chance. Today you have been given a new life. Live in forgiveness. Ask God to forgive you for falling short, and accept that forgiveness. When Jesus died on the cross, He took all of your sins. You are forgiven. What are you going to do now? Live in freedom from your past.

You are worried about losing your high school friends. Relationships change, and that's okay. You are never alone. You have the Holy Spirit who will always be your friend. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself that no one is a friend to you, choose to be a friend. Choose to love. Before the start of senior year you prayed "God, give me christian friends." He will do that. God wants you to have people to support you, people whom you can talk to about real things. God wants you to have intimacy. God doesn't take away good things. He exchanges what is good for what is better.

Don't be afraid of the unfamiliar. Just because it isn't the same, doesn't mean that it isn't good. Take risks and try new things.

While in high school you had authority telling you what to do and making decisions for you. This doesn't change. As a believer you have said that God is your Lord and Savior. Do you realize what this means? Lord means master. God is your boss. Yes, it may be harder to know what God is saying, than what a human is saying, but don't give up on hard things. Seek to know and understand what God wants you to do. God wants you to love. Seek after having a heart that looks like the heart of Jesus. Nothing else matters.

Situations may not get easier. But the closer you get to God, the more you trust Him, the less scary it will be. The more you know how powerful God is, the less you will be worried about figuring things out on your own.

Have a blessed day,
Me
___________________________________________________________

I still am afraid and I still feel like giving up. Sometimes I don't want to face my life. All of the advise I gave to 18 year old me can be applied to my fears now. It's interesting how easily the answers come to me when I remove myself from the situation. As I think of my current struggles, I am overtaken by my emotions and think more what I feel than of truth.

Prayer:
God help me to live in truth and live above my emotions. Help me to seek your ways in all that I do. Help me to not loose heart.