Not about Me

It’s not about what I want

I had been struggling with a bad attitude. I was hopeless and had given up on everything in life. I had no motivation. I felt like nothing I do matters. So I had given up on my friend who didn’t want to change. I had given up on myself and the things I needed to do. It was all for selfish reasons. I had allowed my situation to keep me from doing the right thing. I was tired of doing the right thing and not seeing any results. You see, people can’t always control the situation, but always have a choice of how to respond. There were a few situations where I was not getting my desired outcome. Because I had been trying my best in these situations, and things weren’t right in my eyes, I got discouraged thinking that nothing I do matters. I was tired of trying in vain and wanted to quit, and I did. I stopped trying in everything. I thought that everything pointless because my efforts didn’t produce my desired outcome. When I tried to produce that desired outcome and none of my actions, no matter how hard I tried, would give me what I wanted, I felt out of control. I got anxiety from the fear of being powerless to my situation and expressed my fear in anger. That anger was a sin because it was based off of selfish desires. I was consumed with self seeking motivations. I wanted order in my situations, it had to be my way, or it wasn’t right.

Now I’ve seen that what I want isn’t what’s important. My desired outcome is not reality and is not the only thing that brings honor to God. I prayed that I would see God’s glory. It was funny really; all I had to do was open my eyes. His glory is all around. I had just been looking at things the wrong way. I was so focused on the things I didn’t get that I ignored the good things God had given me. It was selfish to let the fact that I didn’t get what I want get in the way of continuing to aim to bring glory to God.

We are called not to be successful, but to be faithful. Because God is not limited to past, we are called to keep throwing out the net, even though it was empty last time. Next time, it may just be overflowing. I am called to be faithful in loving with patience. I am called to believe in all things that good will come. The word says to do all things as unto the Lord. That means ALWAYS, EVERYTIME- regardless of past outcome and whether I get what I want.