God is Worthy of Praise

God is worthy of praise, regardless of my circumstance.

Lately I found that even though I wanted to pray and worship God, I couldn't do so with a sincere heart. I couldn't praise God with my words and turn away from Him with my actions. Either I want to be closer to God or I want to live in lawlessness. I can't have both. I don't know what to do. I know what I should do. I should turn from sin and seek God with my whole heart- but that's only partially what I want to do. I want to have fun. Yeah, sin can be fun, but living with what I've done isn't fun. I want things to be easy. I don't want to say "no" to bad choices when it's easier to say yes.

I don't feel like I'm willing to go through the hard work to get God's best for my life. Maybe I'm just a failure. Maybe I just can't do greatness. Maybe I'm not an overcomer.

Maybe I should just give up because I am tired of my life.

Today

Today I feel discouraged. I don't feel like facing my life. I am tired of it. I feel kind of like I'm being a baby, because I wish my life was easier. I feel miserable. I don't like the things I have to do. I don't like that it takes so much effort. I wish I didn't have to live. Sometimes I ask God, "Why did you make me? Why would you bring me into this world to experience so much pain and trouble?" I think that I am being dramatic. I know that there are people with far worse lives than mine, but still... Maybe I'm just not strong enough. Maybe I just don't care enough. I don't want to keep fighting. When I ask God, "Why?" I feel a reminder that God created me for a purpose. God created me to change the world- but what if I don't want to. It's difficult for me to believe that I am able. I guess I want to give up because I feel like a failure. I feel like I can't do this. I feel like I'm not going to make a difference in anyone's life. I feel like nothing is worth it. I feel like living is not worth it.

The only reason why I don't just quit life and run away from it all is because that's not a real option.