Worthy

I'm realizing that for the most part, I don't feel like I'm good enough to deserve to be happy. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone to love me, or care about me. My boyfriend Kyle treats me like I'm special. I've never experienced anything like it. Sometimes I'm afraid, because I think eventually he will see the real me, and I'll scare him off. But so far, that hasn't been true. He sees the value in me. He sees the good things that I forget about. I'm  too busy seeing the bad, and to him, I'm more than my negative qualities. I'm so unbelievably thankful that God is showing me what true love is. Sometimes I'm afraid that Kyle will show more love to me than I do to him. I want to love more. I pray that God will help me to see myself the way God sees me, as someone worthy of being loved. As someone worthy of receiving blessings.

I pray that I will live selflessly. I want to focus more on what I can give than on what I can get. I pray that God will inspire creative new ways for me to give to others. I pray that I will be in tune to the needs of people around me.

Wanting More

I'm trying to deal with the fact that everything has it's limitations. I get what I get, and sometimes I throw a fit. God has given me so much and I want to be thankful for what He has given me instead of complaining that it's not enough. My responsibilities of work, relationships, school, and homework seem to fill up my time. It's difficult to get everything done. Something has got to give. I've been staying up late to work on homework, spend time with friends, or to get counsel from leadership. So, lately it's sleep that has been lacking. I've put off rest and relaxation to get other things done. Now I am have to accept my choice and live with less sleep. I need to keep a good attitude even though I don't have what I want. I want it all. I want to have time to do everything. I wish that I could have it all in unlimited quantities. But there are limits. There are limits to how much time is in a day, how much money is in the bank. There are limits to how far I can go physically with my boyfriend while still protecting my purity.(that's a tough one sometimes.) I can't have it all.

The question is, "How am I going to respond to these limitations?"

Some limitations are my choice. I choose what has more value to me. I value my responsibilities to the church, and that takes time. I value my education, so I go to class, and I have homework. I value being financially provided for,  so I go to work. I value relationships, so I must invest in staying connected. I value my growth with God, so I must spend time with Him. I must be obedient to His voice. I must pursue intimacy with God by making right choices. 

Other limitations are out of my control. 

The choices other people make, can create my circumstance. The law- I wish I could drive faster, but that's illegal.  Laws of nature: death, time, weather, physics. I can't be in two places at once. I can't go without any food or sleep. I may not be in control of what I look like, or what I feel. But I am in control of what I think. 

I'm done being frustrated. Instead, I want understanding. 

I'm tired of being upset and discontent thinking "I wish I could ____, but I can't because of ____."

Instead I want to be accepting of the time and place God has me in. I want to celebrate the growth that He is bringing through my situation. 

There are situations that are less than ideal. There are things that may not be all that I want, but that's okay.

It's okay that other people have chosen disconnect.
I am in control of me, in all circumstances.

I don't want to have a problem with the way things are.

I want to see the good in all situations.

My prayer:

God, help me to see what is good about the things that I don't like. Help me to remember that you are doing something good. I want to partner with you and the good that you are doing, instead of being angry about the situation. God I trust that you use all things for good. I believe that something doesn't have to be good in order to be used for good. 

Thanksgiving 1-16-2013

I am thankful for

1. My mistakes - For giving me the opportunity you to improve and become better. 
2. The hard times, and the pain- They've made me stronger, smarter, and can reassure me that I’ll survive the next hurdle, too. 
3. the opportunity to lean on God when I can't do it on my own. 
4. I never have to do it on my own. 
5. The opportunity to give. 
6. That whatever I give isn't mine anyway. 
7. I can laugh. 
8. God gives me the strength to do the supernatural. 
9. The Holy Spirit. 
10. The choice to forgive. 
11. Never being alone 
12. God's promises are greater than my perception 
13. There will be no end to the increase of God's government and peace 
14. There is hope for my future 
15. He's not finished with me yet. 
16. God's not giving up on me. 
17. The way things are today, isn't the way they'll always be. 
18. I am free to rejoice. 
19. I am free to love. 
20. The way I act is unreliant on my circumstances. 
21. Every moment is just another chance to turn it all around 
22. God is faithful 
23. The choice is mine. 
24. It's okay. 
25. I'm safe in His arms. 
26. I'll make it through. 
27. It's okay that I got hurt. 
28. I have a healer. 
29. God knows me. 
30. God understands. 
31. I am an overcomer. 
32. My God never leaves me 
33. I have no reason to fear 
34. God is always available 
35. My way isn't God's Way. 
36. God's way is better than my way. 
37. The chance to make a difference today. 
38. Joy- my strength 
39. God's word to comfort me. 
40. God makes all things new. 
41. There's nothing I can't handle with God. 
42. Worship music 
43. The song in me 
44. God is my victory and He is here. 
45. To hear from God. 
46. Random gifts 
47. Tea 
48. New Determination 
49. Goals 
50. Being less in debt 
51. God restores 
52. Pour holes on salad dressing bottles. 
53. God is the one in charge 
54. Finding what was lost

God Speaks to Me

Sometimes I wonder if God speaks to me, or maybe if I'm able to hear. But I know that God has made me able to do all things. I can.

One way I know that God speaks to me is because He has spoken to me in the past. I have written down some things that God has told me. Now I can read over those things and God can remind me of the truth.

Today, God reminded me that "The Holy Spirit lives in me and enables me to do the supernatural."
"What is the supernatural?" I ask myself. "How can I teach this concept of supernatural to kids?"
Supernatural is the impossible.
Supernatural is what we wouldn't be able to do with the power we have on earth.

God showed me something today.
While at a gas station picking up an iced tea, I got distracted after checking out and stayed in the store long enough to hear the lady behind me in line pay for $10 in gas.

"anyone who only gets $10 in gas must not have money" I thought to myself.
I could have left and went home, but God wanted me to use the information that I had. "Pay for her Gas." He told me.

I argued for a moment in my head, but then thought "I tell God I want to hear from Him, so I had better do what I hear Him tell me."

I didn't lose anything. I didn't need the extra money.

I went to tell the lady that I has paid for her to have extra gas. Her response helped me to know that I hear from God.

As she thanked me she told me that she was going to the next town for a job interview and didn't know how she was going to make it.

Then it hit me. Supernatural= When you have $10 for gas and that's not enough, but then God sends a stranger to pay for your gas.

Today, The Holy Spirit enabled me to do the supernatural!