Using the Past

I’ve lied about my past, denying that I had ever done anything wrong. Out of pride, I wanted to preserve my image and have people think only the best of me. Seeking to gain power and authority, I would hide anything that could damage my credibility. I fought to defy the negative expectations that were falsely put over my life. I was embarrassed of the mistakes I had made and kept them a secret as to not hinder my quest to prove myself worthy. I just knew that no matter what good I did it was never enough if a few black spots of my past were visible.

I felt as though if I were to admit that I had problems, people would treat me as though I had problems. I wanted to control the behavior of others by censoring the information they knew about me. Based on the labels people put on me, I was afraid that no one would be able to separate my actions from my character. The judgments and expectations reigned stronger than truth and I knew more of what others thought of me, than of my true identity.

Truthfully, I’ve made many wrong decisions that I regret, but can’t take back. The past has already happened, to deny it would be to lie. I refuse to live a lie any longer. I will not forget the past, not forget what the Lord has delivered me from. God deserves His glory. Who am I to steal from His testimony? Though I may not like what I did, I am thankful for what God has done in me. The Lord has brought me thus far and deserves all of the credit, even if it means that I won’t look good. My job, is to bring God glory, not to look good while doing it.

As I remember the past, I am overtaken not with shame, but with thanksgiving for all that God has done for me. I do not relive the past punishing myself for the already erased sins -paid for by the blood of Jesus. My past has robbed me of enough already. I have felt in bondage to the sins in my life, stuck in a pattern of destruction. Now that I know the love of God, I am free from sinning. If I am free from the sin, why on earth would I chain myself to it again? I am free! I will live free and not carry around the bondage of secrecy for what I have done in the past.

I can’t hold my love back from Him. God has won me, and deserves 100% of my life, including my once ugly past. God is my creator, He makes beauty my ashes. The LORD is more than able to use the mess I’ve made and craft it into life.

There’s a question that keeps bombarding my thoughts: “You going to keep that?” That’s the things, it’s my choice. I can choose keep my problems, OR, I can choose freedom. I can choose to not be held back. The more I hold on to a secret, protecting it, the less I can embrace God’s promises. "No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and…(self preservation/ secrets)."

My past, proves the greatness of God. God can use anyone. God can cause miraculous changes unimaginable.

How big is your God? How big is your belief in Him?
Do you believe that He cannot bring good out of a bad situation?
My God is a God who raises the dead! Breathes life! Makes all things work together for Good!