God sure is great!

God has used Master’s Commission to cause transformations in my life that I never thought possible. Prior to coming to Master’s Commission, I was living a defeated life reflecting my lack in understanding of who God truly is. Although I have always believed in God, I didn’t allow Him to have a continual involvement in my life. My life was completely self-centered ordeal. I wasn’t looking to God to fill my needs for love. I poured all of my love into myself, believing the lie that I wouldn’t be loved any other way. I had no compassion for others and was constantly trying to “win” by exalting myself and gaining victory over other people. I didn’t care for others because I believed that if I showed affection I was allowing them access and control my inner self, and therefore gaining influence or power. I sought to be independent and unaffected by others, when in reality I was utterly controlled by the perception that others had on me. I was really hurting by wanted to appear to be in control, so I built up walls to keep people out of my heart.

Competing with and acting on the perceptions of others was truly a burdensome process that consumed my life in fear, and loneliness. Because I let the labels of others control the way I acted, I was constantly unsure of how to act and frightened by the outcome of every encounter. I sought to control others and what they thought of me so I existed in presenting only half truths, or certain angles of me, avoiding intimacy and fearing what would happen if anyone were to find out who the real me was. Secrets were my only communication and the method of my survival. I was ashamed of who I was and afraid of not being accepted. The fact that I had so many different personas to portray to every person was both exhausting and confusing. I had so many secrets that it felt as though I was lying to the whole world. It felt very lonely to not have any real connections, to not have anyone know or understand me, but with so many versions of me, I didn’t even know who I was. I couldn’t be real even if I had wanted to.

Because I lived life outside of God’s presence I know love, only pain. I had excepted my state of suffering as permanent. I hopelessly sought to avoid my pain, thinking there was no cure. I began looking for a way to manage my pain and, at a young age, at times would misuse prescription medication in order to cope with my feelings. I saw no other way to endure what seemed to be unending agony and thought that I would suffer with addictive and substance reliant tendencies my entire life. I thought I was weak and even never having drank alcohol, I believed that I was an addict and would be inevitably hooked on the way it made me feel and could never stop drinking if I ever began. At the time, I saw my apparent addiction as a permanent condition that I could not overcome. Many times, I made vows to myself and to God that I would never use any substance to alter my mental or emotional state, and many times I broke those vows. I wasn’t experiencing the power of God flowing through me as I am now. I don’t know how I lived this way for so long. As I have gotten to know God, I have been able to see that He is all I need. It seems to be a simple well known fact, but

By going to Master’s Commission I placed myself in an environment that surrounded me in truth. The constant leadership, Bible classes, and group discussions caused the right amount of pressure on my belief system to tear down the lies that guided my life. I began to see who God really was, and who I was because of His love and power. I came to Master’s Commission because I wanted to be trained for ministry. I had a limited view of God and what He could do in me and was blinded to all areas of need in my life. Because of this, Master’s Commission was nothing like I expected. God far exceeded my expectations but greatly fulfilled my needs. I didn’t just learn techniques of ministry, but became a person with the ability to minister to others because I have God’s love pouring into my life, and His love pouring out.

I thank you for believing in me and partnering with God to allow this miracle to take place in my life. Like any growing process, this godly transformation was at times very uncomfortable and even painful. It took some desperate experiences in my life to get me to the point of recognizing my need and looking to God to fill it. It is a miracle in itself that I made it to the end without giving up. Through it all I have realized that God is my healer and my giver of life, love, and identity. I can honestly say that I am not the same person as I was when I began Master’s Commission last fall. The bondage that was my life has been replaced by freedom and truth. Even still, I’m not satisfied. My God is the God who has brought me this far, He has done exceedingly and abundantly more than I would ever ask or think, and will continue to take me to heights I never thought possible.

Transformed Me

I am not disabled, I am enabled. I’ve been realizing the call God has put on my life, it’s something that I never thought I could do. God has called me and every other believer to ministry. Ministry involves people more specifically relationships with people. God’s call on my life right now is to use my relationships for His glory. Many times I have thought that I didn’t have any ministry opportunities, but I’m realizing that my life and every person I come into contact with is an opportunity to love.

God has worked miracles in my life to bring me to the place that I am now. He has transformed my heart and my attitude and enabled me to do accomplish tasks that used to terrify me. My entire life prior to beginning Master’s Commission, I was a loner. My state of aloneness was both purposefully constructed and greatly undesired. I both enjoyed and loathed the feeling of loneliness. I had built up barriers and closed myself off in order to protect myself from the hurt of others. I have since, changed my priorities. My first goal is no longer to protect me, but to love others.

Jeremy Johnson, a leader in the church once said. “Opportunity doesn't create obedience. Obedience creates opportunity.” I’ve realized the vast amount of opportunities I continually have to share God’s love with others. Acting in obedience to reach out to someone can be uncomfortable, but it’s worth it to give that person the opportunity to see God. There’s a saying that I love “You are where God wants you, are you doing what He wants?” Right here, right now, I have opportunities to love every person I come into contact with. I will step outside of my comfort zone at every opportunity to make a difference in the life of another individual.

God has been showing me my value in this world- that every little action can have an impact on a person’s future. If I want to see a world changed, it will come through a series of decisions to do the right thing. God has made me to be consumed in peace. Though I still have room for improvement, I have no room for failure. I am not afraid. The idea of being a youth leader terrified me at the start. I didn’t know what I would say or do. Now I have a group of kids that I feel blessed to be able to pour into their lives.

God has been continually growing this peace and faith inside of me, which birthed a new confidence found in Him. I can be honest, I can be myself. I don’t have to worry or be embarrassed at how awkward I may appear because there I cannot be ashamed of doing the right thing. I’m not afraid of saying something stupid. Why should I be? I’d rather make and attempt than fail to try. I cannot be disappointed of discouraged regardless of the perceived outcome. No matter what happens right now, I have faith in the bountiful harvest.