Pride = Self Inflicted Fear

Sometimes it may seem as though my life is a disaster, BUT God is working things out to restore me to the condition I was created. This restoration is a long tough process because I’ve put a lot of time into building this unhealthy lifestyle that I now live out of. Throughout my life I’ve chose to react to situations in an unhealthy way, which has really messed things up in my life. The closer I get to God, the more I see areas in my life that need to be torn apart and repaired.

My pride just about slapped me in the face as I read Luke 12:34 which says “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” I realized that what I most treasure is myself. Because the mouth speaks out of the abundance of the heart, (Mark 12:34) and my heart was treasuring myself, my thoughts and speech were consumed in selfishness. My selfishness led to malicious behavior and fear. Guarded, and self absorbed, I sought comfort above all else. I had fear in uncomfortable situations filled with anxiety in every overly warm car ride. I accepted my condition, and declared it as truth over my life.

In spite of the fact that I was opposing God by seeing my problems as bigger than Him, agreeing with lies, and putting myself first, God began revealing to me His Truth for my life.

I had become like the rich young ruler about whom Jesus said “How hard is it for those who trust in riches” I realized just how greatly I had increased the difficulty in my life by trusting in riches. I had created a monster- a life full of fear, self inflicted by my pride.

Because my trust was on earthly things, I was let down every time. I keep trying to do things on my own, with no success. Because I can’t do anything on my own, I get freaked out and worried about how I will accomplish anything. I put so much value in myself and the things that I need that, when uncomfortable, I get afraid. I seemed to have lost sight of reality thinking that discomfort meant a lack of safety. Discomfort to me, was a lack of control. Since I was trying to do things on my own, control was imperative. I had made an idol of myself.

Now I’m learning to chose better than the rich man. I’m learning to give up my comforts, stop seeking myself and put my trust in God.