New song- Suitcases by Dara Maclean
This songs speaks to me deeply. There are so many burdens that are weighing me down. There are things that I carry around with me(secrets and strongholds) that are unnecessary for me to fulfill God's Purpose for my Life. God wants me to travel light. He has provided all that I need. "You can't run when you're holding suitcases." God has great plans for my life, these burdens can only slow me down and make things difficult, rendering me useless for my purpose. I want to be used and be useful. If I had to pack a suitcase of everything I needed, it would be too full. Living for God is selfless. My desire is to throw out my reliance on the world loving God above all, learning to lay down my life by un-attaching myself from unnecessary suitcases.
I've been so ""tied to the ground," unable to move. I'm stuck in my situation, comfortable with my earthly possessions. I want to be FREE!
"Can you imagine what it’s like to be free
Well, send those bags packing, they’re not what you need
Abandon your troubles on the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me"
These strongholds don't own me. They don't need me. I'm carrying them around, when all I have to do is let go. I can abandon them. Life will be better without these suitcases. It is fleshly and evil desires that have kept me holding on for so long. It is doubt and fear that keep me from receiving God's forgiveness and moving on from the past sins. The evil one has convinced me that this is all I can be. I have bought into the lie that once I fill these suitcases I must carry these mistakes around with me. I have made idols, giving more power to what's in the suitcase than to God. God is Stronger.
I the "Freedom in release"
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Rapture, An Opportunity, Being Equiped
Yesterday, on May 21, 2010, there was a scheduled "rapture." There were people who misinterpreted the Bible in order to calculate the time and day of the rapture. For the most part I didn't know of anyone who believed this story. Many of my friends joked about it. I wondered if there was anyone who believed this theory and if I would see any kind of reaction. On Saturday, while cashiering at work, I heard my co-workers discuss it. One of the cashiers seemed concerned about what was going to happen. She didn't want to be left behind. I wish everyone had that kind of urgency. Even if the rapture isn't today, it's going to happen eventually. We aren't going to know when it happens and we should all be prepared. This cashier seemed to want salvation. She wanted hope and assurance that she wouldn't be damned to hell. She asked me if I would be leaving or staying. I told her that today wasn't the day. "I'm not going anywhere, yet." My whole life I have wanted situations to share the LORD with people. This seemed like the perfect opportunity. She was actually seeking out information and was ready to receive it. I wished that I could tell her the answer that she was looking for, but the fact was I didn't know the answer myself. I felt so horrible for letting the opportunity go by. How could I tell her I was leaving and not invite her too! I thought about the witnessing tools I have heard used by "The Way of the Master" I always thought that it was most effective to get people thinking and have to answer for themselves. I thought about the idea of absolutism and relativism and the fact that no one can believe it's all relative. Some of my coworkers were talking about the fact that everyone can believe something different for themselves and that a person cannot push that on another person. This seemed quite puzzling to me. To me it seemed absolute, either nothing was going to happen that day, or mass numbers of people would leave the earth. There was only two options and that was certain. Someone had to be wrong. I thought about how truly tragic it would be if the rapture were to have came at that time and we all were left behind and didn't even notice a change. Most seemed fine with that possibility, I could not accept it.
As a follower of Christ I have accepted the call to tell the world the good News. I have personally heard a call to be a missionary. It wasn't until recently that I have been challenged as to what is the truth. I was unsure where this questioning came from, but I can no see that it is good. Through this questioning I have seen that I am not as confident as I thought, that I don't really have all the answers. This questioning is preparing me to be strengthened and equipped with the truth. God wants us to use discernment to find out what is good and what is true.
I have been wanting to reach out to others and be a witness. This situation as made me realize how truly unequipped I am. I'm not sure what to do to get equipped or what I can do in the mean time. I have been wanting to be a light to my world showing people love in ways that I haven't been. I would like to volunteer at Life Services and help to relieve the perceived "necessity" of abortion. In order to volunteer at Life Services, I must complete an application. When I began filling it out, I realized that I could not answer many of the question, because I didn't know the answer. I thought that I could just use the answers of other people, or just make something up that I thought they would like to hear. Now I have come to wonder if the fact that I am unable to complete the application makes me unqualified to be a volunteer. I do not think that it would be appropriate to be in a situation that I am not qualified for, yet I also think that the only way to become qualified is to be in situations that would test and strengthen me.
As a follower of Christ I have accepted the call to tell the world the good News. I have personally heard a call to be a missionary. It wasn't until recently that I have been challenged as to what is the truth. I was unsure where this questioning came from, but I can no see that it is good. Through this questioning I have seen that I am not as confident as I thought, that I don't really have all the answers. This questioning is preparing me to be strengthened and equipped with the truth. God wants us to use discernment to find out what is good and what is true.
I have been wanting to reach out to others and be a witness. This situation as made me realize how truly unequipped I am. I'm not sure what to do to get equipped or what I can do in the mean time. I have been wanting to be a light to my world showing people love in ways that I haven't been. I would like to volunteer at Life Services and help to relieve the perceived "necessity" of abortion. In order to volunteer at Life Services, I must complete an application. When I began filling it out, I realized that I could not answer many of the question, because I didn't know the answer. I thought that I could just use the answers of other people, or just make something up that I thought they would like to hear. Now I have come to wonder if the fact that I am unable to complete the application makes me unqualified to be a volunteer. I do not think that it would be appropriate to be in a situation that I am not qualified for, yet I also think that the only way to become qualified is to be in situations that would test and strengthen me.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Questions?
What must a person do in order to be saved from damnation to hell?
Is there a single moment that a person becomes "Saved"?
Is salvation a lifestyle that must be continued?
If a person ceases to have "evidence of salvation" is he no longer free from death?
When a person dies, does he just wait for Jesus to return?
What happens while he waits?
What is baptism of Holy Spirit?
Does not the Spirit enter us when we are "saved"?
Do some not have the Spirit in them?
Isn't the Spirit what led us to Christ? Therefore we would always have the Spirit?
Is there a single moment that a person becomes "Saved"?
Is salvation a lifestyle that must be continued?
If a person ceases to have "evidence of salvation" is he no longer free from death?
When a person dies, does he just wait for Jesus to return?
What happens while he waits?
What is baptism of Holy Spirit?
Does not the Spirit enter us when we are "saved"?
Do some not have the Spirit in them?
Isn't the Spirit what led us to Christ? Therefore we would always have the Spirit?
Age of Accountablity
In my search for the truth of salvation I spent time dissecting and interpreting words of the scripture. I have been told that the Bible cannot contradict itself, yet in my study I was left in utter confusion. I asked a couple of people what they believed about salvation, and they seemed just as confused as I did. They however were okay with ignoring the issue. I am somewhat embarrassed about my lack of understanding about something so important. I am too proud to seek out guidance. I don't want to admit to any believers that I do not have the faith that they do. It is only now that I realize that is what it truly is. It is a disbelief. I seed desperately to do what is right and to be accepted by GOD. Somehow I do not have the faith to just trust in Him that I will be saved.
One of my biggest questions is "what exactly does a person have to do to be saved from damnation to hell?".
In my search for the answer I began to read online commentaries of what is believed to be the solution and why. In my search I came across people referring to the age of accountability, the age at which a person is held accountable for their own sins. I have heard the theory many times throughout my life that a person before this age of accountability is spared from judgement. It always made sense to me before. I for one do not know the level of understanding that an infant has. For all I know when I speak to a newborn, everything I say is foreign to him. If a baby cannot understand what God's gift of salvation is, how can he be held accountable for his lack of repentance? From what I have read in the Bible it very clearly states that all people need to accept God's gift of salvation in order to escape death. Why then should a person be exempt because of his age? God is just and I would think that the law of salvation does not have exceptions. How is a child's ignorance any different than that of another person. As a child, believing what I was told about the "age of accountability", I thought of the injustice of those who do not know of God's gift of grace. What about those who have never been told? Why should they be accountable when they did not consciously choose to ignore God.
What about those who are matured adults who have heard the words, but like a baby could not understand, the person for which the truth just never clicked. I can see that if we go by this logic everybody could have some sort of excuse and would end up exempt from judgement. I believe that God gave us all the ability to discern right from wrong. I have to believe this. without this ability some would be free from guilt that others are not. Some have claimed that mental illness has caused them to do evil without feeling any guilt. Is it then that murderers with no remorse are blameless? Clearly this isn't true and all have guilt. It is said in His Word Romans 3:23 "All have sinned" If we look past this verse we could conclude that some are without sin. We cannot overlook the Truth GOD has given to us.
It is was difficult for me, without this verse in Romans 3, to understand the guilt of a child, a baby both pre-born and post-born. With this I have more of an urgency in fighting for the lives of the unborn babies. Without a life, they have no chance at salvation. Life is the very least we can give them.
One of my biggest questions is "what exactly does a person have to do to be saved from damnation to hell?".
In my search for the answer I began to read online commentaries of what is believed to be the solution and why. In my search I came across people referring to the age of accountability, the age at which a person is held accountable for their own sins. I have heard the theory many times throughout my life that a person before this age of accountability is spared from judgement. It always made sense to me before. I for one do not know the level of understanding that an infant has. For all I know when I speak to a newborn, everything I say is foreign to him. If a baby cannot understand what God's gift of salvation is, how can he be held accountable for his lack of repentance? From what I have read in the Bible it very clearly states that all people need to accept God's gift of salvation in order to escape death. Why then should a person be exempt because of his age? God is just and I would think that the law of salvation does not have exceptions. How is a child's ignorance any different than that of another person. As a child, believing what I was told about the "age of accountability", I thought of the injustice of those who do not know of God's gift of grace. What about those who have never been told? Why should they be accountable when they did not consciously choose to ignore God.
What about those who are matured adults who have heard the words, but like a baby could not understand, the person for which the truth just never clicked. I can see that if we go by this logic everybody could have some sort of excuse and would end up exempt from judgement. I believe that God gave us all the ability to discern right from wrong. I have to believe this. without this ability some would be free from guilt that others are not. Some have claimed that mental illness has caused them to do evil without feeling any guilt. Is it then that murderers with no remorse are blameless? Clearly this isn't true and all have guilt. It is said in His Word Romans 3:23 "All have sinned" If we look past this verse we could conclude that some are without sin. We cannot overlook the Truth GOD has given to us.
It is was difficult for me, without this verse in Romans 3, to understand the guilt of a child, a baby both pre-born and post-born. With this I have more of an urgency in fighting for the lives of the unborn babies. Without a life, they have no chance at salvation. Life is the very least we can give them.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Dreams
I dream in my sleep, almost every time I do it. Most dreams aren't memorable. Some dreams are strange and confusing, a bunch of impossible nonsense. Usually it's all a blur. There are few dreams that I remember, either because it was scary and traumatic, or because I just thought about it a lot after the dream. I remember two scary dreams that haunted my childhood. The most significant dreams I remember are dreams that I believe were a message from God.
When I was in the fourth grade, there was a fire near my house. The fire was miles away and we were never in any danger. I believe it was around this time, that I had a dream in which every house on my block was ablaze except mine. I knew that this dream was a message from God reminding me that He would keep me safe. I felt secure to know that I had His protection. At the time, this dream was a comfort, I felt special to know that God was thinking of me, that he would give me this dream as proof that he would keep me safe. It felt good to hear from God, but as a child, it wasn't really something that I needed to hear. It wasn't something I was looking for. At this time I was basically worry free. I lived in a world with parents taking care of me. It wasn't something I was worried about. This dream has stuck with me over time. I have a tangible reminder of God's promise. Even though I can look back, thinking that it was a strange message for a child, I know that God's way is best. He gave me that dream for a reason. I can look back knowing that before I knew God as my own, He knew me. God specifically communicated to me in a way that know one else could. It was at this time that I was maturing, I was seeking God and His truth. This seeking did not begin at this time, but continued through the opportunities provided. I thank God for giving me understanding and a desire to seek Him.
I believe that God does everything for a reason...
It's not as if I always tell people about the dreams that I have, but, around the time that I was in the ninth grade I had a dream that I have intentionally kept a secret. I awoke from the dream with such peace, as if it was a blessing. Later that day a friend mentioned that she had a really good dream. I agreed that I did as well. Once I thought about it, the terrifying details of my dream came back to me. I got the feeling that it would be inappropriate to share. I didn't really know the meaning of the dream immediately. In my dream I was in a house with some people when and intruder entered, questioning us. Pointing a gun at me he asked if we were followers of God, when I answered, yes, I am, a shot was fired and everything went black. For some reason, this dream seemed like something I shouldn't share with anyone. I mentioned sometimes that I had a dream that I was shot, but that's all. I felt like the dream was to private to share, and that it was sick to dream about my death.
From this dream I knew that I was called to stand up for truth, no matter the cost. I never really understood the cost very much. For a long time, I didn't really think about this dream.
THE COST
I have been telling God that I will go where He sends me.
As I thought about the dream more, I remembered the experience of the dream. In the dream, I was at home with my family. The situation felt so right. The house I was in, wasn't a place that I have ever been, but it was home. The family I was with, wasn't anyone I know, but they were my family. In my dream, I was where I belong.
When I was in the fourth grade, there was a fire near my house. The fire was miles away and we were never in any danger. I believe it was around this time, that I had a dream in which every house on my block was ablaze except mine. I knew that this dream was a message from God reminding me that He would keep me safe. I felt secure to know that I had His protection. At the time, this dream was a comfort, I felt special to know that God was thinking of me, that he would give me this dream as proof that he would keep me safe. It felt good to hear from God, but as a child, it wasn't really something that I needed to hear. It wasn't something I was looking for. At this time I was basically worry free. I lived in a world with parents taking care of me. It wasn't something I was worried about. This dream has stuck with me over time. I have a tangible reminder of God's promise. Even though I can look back, thinking that it was a strange message for a child, I know that God's way is best. He gave me that dream for a reason. I can look back knowing that before I knew God as my own, He knew me. God specifically communicated to me in a way that know one else could. It was at this time that I was maturing, I was seeking God and His truth. This seeking did not begin at this time, but continued through the opportunities provided. I thank God for giving me understanding and a desire to seek Him.
I believe that God does everything for a reason...
It's not as if I always tell people about the dreams that I have, but, around the time that I was in the ninth grade I had a dream that I have intentionally kept a secret. I awoke from the dream with such peace, as if it was a blessing. Later that day a friend mentioned that she had a really good dream. I agreed that I did as well. Once I thought about it, the terrifying details of my dream came back to me. I got the feeling that it would be inappropriate to share. I didn't really know the meaning of the dream immediately. In my dream I was in a house with some people when and intruder entered, questioning us. Pointing a gun at me he asked if we were followers of God, when I answered, yes, I am, a shot was fired and everything went black. For some reason, this dream seemed like something I shouldn't share with anyone. I mentioned sometimes that I had a dream that I was shot, but that's all. I felt like the dream was to private to share, and that it was sick to dream about my death.
From this dream I knew that I was called to stand up for truth, no matter the cost. I never really understood the cost very much. For a long time, I didn't really think about this dream.
THE COST
I have been telling God that I will go where He sends me.
As I thought about the dream more, I remembered the experience of the dream. In the dream, I was at home with my family. The situation felt so right. The house I was in, wasn't a place that I have ever been, but it was home. The family I was with, wasn't anyone I know, but they were my family. In my dream, I was where I belong.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Time
Where has the Time gone? It's sad to say that it's currently May 5th 2011! It's been almost two years since my High School graduation and I seem to be going no where. I graduated from High School expecting a fabulous life full of success. I looked forward to the adventures and learning I would experience. It's been a year in a half since I left Trinity, set on changing, doing great things with my life. It seems like I'm still in the same place I was two years ago. In reality much has changed. I've had such amazing experiences, and I truly have learned a great deal. It's frustrating to me that currently, I seem to not be doing anything great with my life. I'm 20 years old and I'm living with my parents. I have no car, and I'm working at an entry level job, where I've been for a year and have not gained any respect. My work environment is horrible and my hours are decreasing all the time.
It's so easy to feel like a failure. I wonder if I am where God wants me, or if I'm doing what He wants. It seems as if I'm losing against time. I don't know what I'm doing. It seems as if I am lost, just wandering without direction. I want purpose for my Life.
Most of the time, I wish I was anywhere but here. I don't feel at home. I feel homeless like I don't belong anywhere. I long to belong. I long to be where I am supposed to be. I want to be somewhere that feels right. I want peace for my spirit.
Time keeps on passing by and I am standing still. I feel so stuck, as if everything is moving and I am just frozen.
It's so easy to feel like a failure. I wonder if I am where God wants me, or if I'm doing what He wants. It seems as if I'm losing against time. I don't know what I'm doing. It seems as if I am lost, just wandering without direction. I want purpose for my Life.
Most of the time, I wish I was anywhere but here. I don't feel at home. I feel homeless like I don't belong anywhere. I long to belong. I long to be where I am supposed to be. I want to be somewhere that feels right. I want peace for my spirit.
Time keeps on passing by and I am standing still. I feel so stuck, as if everything is moving and I am just frozen.
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