pathetically honest.

I know I am going to sound pathetic but I am being honest. I totally miss marshal. all i can think about is the good times we've had the past month dating. and the past three years of being friends.

the worst part is that now i wished we had kissed. all last weekend I was thinking about kissing him. I had decided that i would the next time i saw him. I know that my thoughts are are wrong. just yesterday i was so gad w hadn't kissed because if we had the break up would be worse. because when you kiss someone you give them a part of you that you can never get back. you have more ties to them.

the breakup.

So this is what finally went with. "yeah, so, umm. I don't think we should see each other anymore. Yeah, so. Bye. oh and, have a nice life..." I felt like such a b*tch. But I feel a lot better now.

I think it was over all a good break up. It was however on the phone. but it was good. I don't think I could have even said that in person. it would have bee soo embarrassing.

we texted right after. which I think was good because we got to actually say good bye. We didn't get to do that on the phone because I hung up so soon. I'm suprised i lasted as long as i did.

hearing his voice was so painful. I'm over it now. and i consder this a good experience. : ]

It's all thanks to God though. I can't tak any of the credit.

God is great.

I totally realized that I had again tried to make plans with out God. (I've REALLY go to stop doing that) I thought that I had it all figured out and that I didn't need any help. After I realized my mistake, I was thinking that I was stuck in my situation. (now i remember God helps us out of the situation, not just through. duh) I didn't even ask for God's help. I again tried to figure things out on my own. But even though I went against God's will he still forgives and helped me out of the mess i got myself into.

my relationship with marshal was basically ending it's self. But it wasn't until yesterday that it all finally clicked. I found out some things. and instead of letting it ruin me, i was totally cool about it. I realized that it was from God. Bad things happened, but God used it for good to get me out of a relationship that was a mistake in the first place.

Even though I was sure that it was obviously over, I just made it official by breaking up with him. It was painfully hard, but it was the best decision I've made in a while. Now I am sooo happy. and uberly thankful for all that God has done and continues to do.

"Still there for me"

"Still There For Me"

(feat. Vannesa Hudgens)

[Corbin]

Lately I've been thinking

About the things that we've been through

And I don't know if I'd be here,

If not for you

I had to take a little time

To try to work things out

And you should know that

I have never meant

To let you down

[Both]

[Chorus]

Cause I, I

Wannna tell you that I'm sorry

And I, I

Even when I'm not giving enough

And I'm taking too much

You're still there for me

Even when I got nothing at all

And I'm ready to fall

You're still there for me

There for meThere for me

Even when I can't be there for you

You're always there for me

[Vanessa]

Sometimes I know I can be

So hard to understand (It's ok)

Even when I'm lost

You show me who I really am

Life with me hasn't always been an easy ride

But because of you I've learned

To lose my selfish pride

[Both]

[Chorus]

Cause I, I

Wannna tell you that I'm sorry

And I, I

Even when I'm not giving enough

And I'm taking too much

You're still there for me

Even when I got nothing at all

And I'm ready to fall

You're still there for me

There for me

There for me

Even when I can't be there for you

Oh you're always there for me yeah

Oh no it's love

Ooooouuhhh (Oooohhh)

It must be loveOoohhh

It's gotta be real love (It's gotta be real love)

Even when I'm not giving enough

And I'm taking too much

You're still there for me

Even when I got nothing at all

And I'm ready to fall

You're still there for me

There for me

There for me

Even when I can't be there for you (When I can't be there)

Even when I can't be there for you

You're always there for me

out not through.

God doesn't just help you through the problem; he can help you out of the problem.

When we try to just get through the problem, we are underestimating God’s power.

_______



I thought that all of my problems were permanant, that They were things that I would have to deal with, and be struggling with my whole life.

I had realized that I needed God's help to get through the issue, but I never thought to ask him to help me out of the situation.

It wasn't until I had heard my grandpa talking to another guy. He said that he used to have a drinking problem, but God healed him. he also said that when people say that they will always be alcoholics that it is not true.

This was a big supprise to me. I struggle with addictive and reliant behavior. I thought that I was an alcoholic and always would be.

But now I know that I can over come that and my other addictions.