Night of Change

I'm so far away from God that I have no idea what i'm doing. I'm just scared and sad. I'm so confused and hurt. I've been pretending for so long that I finally crashed, hard. I need help because I can't do this on my own. I know that God is the only answer, so I don't know what's keeping me from him. Pride? I know it's my fault, but I've been letting the devil push me away from my savior. I believe the lies and let the doubt control me. I have lost all confidence in myself. I haven't been able to do anything. I feel so weak.

I hurt a friend today and i'm not sure why... I thought I was doing the right thing. I don't know how things went so terribly wrong.

We're just so different that she doesn't understand me. She doesn't understand the thing that means most to me. Even though I don't act like it, or even usually notice it, I really do have a PASSION for Jesus.

I can't ignore this. I can't love my friend and not share Jesus. This is SO IMPORTANT!! This is the only thing that matters!

I don't know how to share what I believe, when I don't know what that is. I get so confused all the time, but I want to know the Truth. The truth is what's important to me.

insecurity.

Jesus said, "I am the Truth"
If I know Jesus then I will know the Truth?

There's so much I want to share but now I may have missed my chance. I hope everything's not ruined.

I wonder what will happen next, but I know that I shouldn't worry, God has everything in his Hands. <-!!!!! wow. that was kind of a strong declaration for me.

"It's out of my Hands" says the cliche. It's so true about all of life. I really have no control or influence God is the one running this show. He knows what he's doing, especially more than I do.

Worry in nothing, but in all things PRAY.

I pray for a second chance. I pray that I will share more time with my friend. I pray
that I have not been shut out forever. I pray that God will give me the words to say. I pray. I pray for understanding. Lord please. Let me know what is right. Lord, Please give me peace. I know I ask for a lot. You know my heart. I'm not selfish, but in a time of desperate need. Please give me calmness.


I don't even know what i'm so terrified of anymore. I'm so uneasy. I need to here God.



I've been feeling so unwelcome lately. I don't belong. I don't know where I fit in.
I long for Love, acceptance, security, and hope.

I haven't cried for so long. because I haven't faced the truth. The truth hurts sometimes and can be offensive. We should be offended.


Honesty... something my grandpa said. It's something I don't know about. I think it's something i need to learn.

On my wall I have some words and questions that I want to always be asking myself.
Pursuit (what and I pursuing?)
What do you want?
Focus
What's your motivation?
Choices

You are where God wants you, are you doing what he wants?

These are important to me because they are a part of everyday life. If I forget to think about these things, I will forget to live a life of purpose. I need to keep focused on that purpose in order to be effective and successful.

I want God's will. there are sacrifices I must make in order to do my part.


I pray that God will free me from my bondage.

admit and declare the truth

When I came to Trinity I was trying to escape my family. That isn't what God wants for me. Going to Trinity wasn't a mistake though, it was a temporary experience that changed my life. Going to Trinity is what made me want to come home. My time there was great but it was only temporary.